Temper Temper

Why do toddlers need to have temper tantrums from a Cave Mommy perspective. Why would temper tantrums be a favorable trait that would help the toddler survive? And more importantly, how can we avoid them?

A cave toddler screams to get attention. This would help them survive in some situations (and thus pass on this tantrum gene). After all, its hard to ignore a screaming two-year old. But more importantly, they scream when something goes wrong. For example, if the toddler is eating a fallen berry and a cave uncle comes by and takes it away. That screaming may help get it back. Certainly it makes the point of “I’m not happy, give it back now” without even uttering a word. That’s pretty efficient. And it would get a quick response before the perpetrator has time to pop that berrry into his own mouth.

So how do we work with these god given (or naturally selected for) traits today? Well, tantrums only happen for a reason — to communicate swiftly and unignorably. A ‘no reason’ tantrum would not have been tolerated by impatient cave mommy or others in the cave people community. So if tantrums have a cause, they can be avoided.

What causes tantrums today? Simply put, a toddler gets stressed. After all, what would you do if you had no power to choose what you do. Stress even for adults is caused by situations where we do not have control. Toddlers are always at the mercy of others… what they eat, when they sleep, where they go, how they play, and who takes care of them.

So simply put, avoid tantrums by giving power to our toddlers! Keep a routine that toddlers can predict. Now they know what’s coming next and can mentally prepare. Offer them choices — do you want to sit in your high chair or booster seat? Avoid surprises that derail them… and when I say surprises I mean the bad kind like oh time to sleep now! Waaaaah. Minimize the stress and uncertaintly by explaining everything, in detail, repeating often.

“We are going to Grandma’s house. You can play with Grandma and then she’ll give you dinner, and then play some more, and then she’ll give you milk, and brush your teeth, then you’ll go pee pee, then Grandma will read you a book, and then you’ll go sleepy sleepy! Okay? You are going to sleep with Grandma tonight. Then tomorrow Mommy is going to wake up and get in the car and drive to Grandma’s house and pick you up.”

No detail is too small for your curious little happy tantrum free toddler.